What therapy is, and what it isn’t
To me, therapy is a tool for the client, empowering you to make discoveries and find solutions yourself, rather than a room in which you are diagnosed and “explained” by an authority figure. The foundation of that is a warm and reliable bond between client and therapist – a consistent space to examine your concerns safely, free from judgement and stigma.
For the majority of people, therapy is a hard but rewarding experience, which helps you develop self-knowledge, take time for yourself, and clarify what you want from life. Whoever you choose to see, I hope that you are able to find the right kind of help for you.
What can I expect from a therapy session with you? What will we talk about?
If you haven’t had therapy before, it’s not as weird or daunting as you might expect. You don’t have to lie down on a couch (in fact, you can have therapy over Zoom from your own home), and I won’t be making notes, interrogating you, or telling you off during sessions. We will set goals together — which can be as simple as “I want to sleep better”, or “I want to understand why I get so anxious” — and check in regularly to see how you feel we’re doing in addressing those concerns, what I could change in my approach, or whether you want to shift focus entirely. But that’s not to say therapy has to march relentlessly towards a destination all the time; sometimes you’ll want to come in and vent about work, go fifty minutes without thinking about your partner or kids, or maybe you’ll have nothing much to say at all that week. There is no wrong way for you to come to therapy.
While therapy isn’t always easy, often requiring you to dig into difficult feelings or memories, it should always feel safe, and move at a pace you are comfortable with. Whether you end up seeing me or another therapist, it’s incredibly important that you are honest about what you feel ready to discuss in-session, and though we will work with you to make talking about hard subjects feel manageable, a good therapist will respect your choice of what you want to discuss and when.
How should I choose a therapist?
If you don’t end up seeing me, I strongly recommend that you seek out a therapist who is a member of one of the major boards: the BACP (of which I am a member), UKCP, or BPS, for example. This means that your therapist has gone through a reputable training programme, and is required to follow an ethical framework (the BACP’s can be found here). This way, if anything goes wrong in the course of your therapy, you have an organisation you can contact, who will take the complaint seriously.
I would like to see you for a session. How does it work?
To express an interest, simply message me from the Contact page, and I will get in touch to set up an assessment, where we can talk about what’s bringing you to therapy and you can see if it feels like a good fit. If so, we’ll meet online or in person for 50 minute sessions each week, on the same day and at the same time. The number of sessions we have is up to you, and we can discuss this at the assessment.
If not, there will never be any hard feelings and I won’t chase you; you’re the only one who can determine the right counsellor for you, and gender, age, race, working language, and a host of other factors may play into your decision. I can also advise on finding another therapist if you’d like.
What are the ‘red flags’ I should be aware of?
As mentioned above, you should feel safe in therapy, and while it is very unlikely that you will encounter an unethical practitioner, trust your instincts if something feels off, and ask a friend their opinion on what’s happening. As a basic rule of thumb, you should never feel pressured by your therapist in any way; your therapist shouldn’t talk about themselves all the time; your therapist shouldn’t judge you or make you feel bad for who you are; your therapist shouldn’t indicate an interest in you beyond the therapy room, as a friend or romantic partner. Any sort of sexual advance is far beyond a red flag, and you should not feel worried or guilty about cutting off contact with that counsellor and reporting them immediately.